Excuses are useless...

Like many of us, I've found myself being busy with holiday business over the past few weeks. Planning and attending parties and family meals, serving the less fortunate in the community and buying gifts for loved ones near and far reminds me of how happy I am to be a Christian in this country. Though the hustle and bustle is exciting and fun, it can be a bit distracting and it's easy to get "caught up" in the merriment without looking at the big picture and keeping personal goals in mind.

So, today, I'm taking time to look at the big picture. Though the last few weeks have been filled with joy and relaxation, I have much work to do in the year ahead. Knowing that I must take life step by step, I've decided not to make traditional "resolutions". Instead, I am declaring this year MY YEAR!

I have but two goals in mind (notice I didn't say resolution). Setting goals means there's a plan in mind. My plan is a very simple one.

My goals: 1. To submit each decision in my life to the will of the Lord
2. To care for myself spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically like never
before.

My plan: To be a woman of my word. Period.

I've made so many promises to myself, to family, to friends and to God that I've either broken or simply let fall by the way side. Not this year. I'm going to be honest with myself, and my loved ones and stop making excuses.

I've tried being the pilot, and co-pilot of my life. What I've realized is that my back seat driving is getting me nowhere. So, I'm turning control back over to the giver of life. He has control anyway, so no need to fight Him on it! I'm just mad it took me this long to realize it!!!

I hope that everyone has a blessed, prosperous, healthy year! Please continue to follow me on this journey.

I will be writing A LOT more and even adding PICTURES as I make progress. What I won't be adding is BS! LOL!

Love, peace and blessings!

~Tash

A picture's worth 1000 words

We've all heard the saying. It's another one of those cliches that we all hear and repeat without thinking much of it. However, the other day, I thought about just how true this statement really is...

I attended homecoming at Norfolk State University with two of my closest friends, and then went back to UT for my own homecoming. I had a blast hanging with my girls and of course there's nothing like being around my beautiful Sorors!

I was on a high for days and then...the pictures started popping up.

Though others have tried to convince me that I don't look "that big" or I look "fine" I know the truth.

Those pictures are more than just evidence that I have let myself go. These pictures are a chapter in the story of my life.

I'm blessed and I know it. I'm not going to take credit away from God or downplay what He's done for me by dwelling on my physical appearance and weight. But, with all of the successes of the past 4 years, there have been quite a few painful moments.

I've loved, and lost. I've succeeded and I've failed miserably. I've acheived major goals, and I've run smack dab into unsuspected set backs. My weight has gone up and down right along with life's roller coaster.

As I've lived my life, I never stopped to think about the fact that I used food to cope with the disappointments. I've partied my way through life's pitfalls, eating and drinking myself out of saddness and depression. I guess that would've been okay if I were hitting the gym as well ;)

You know, I could erase these pictures, but the truth will still remain. Just like words written on a page and then erased; once they've been written, they are there. You can rip it up and pretend it never happened and destroy any evidence that you ever thought or felt the words you wrote. But the author knows the truth.

So, instead of hiding from the truth and getting angry at the turn the plot has taken, I as the co-author of the story of my life will simply end this chapter. No more pictures that serve as evidence of my past tucked beneath extra body mass. I've consulted with the author, and He says it's okay to move on now...

~Tash

Cliche' Cliche', What can I say?

If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. It's an old cliche', but what can I say? It's true.

As I sat on my bed looking at skinny women on T.V. and looking at pictures of a thinner, perkier me on facebook, I decided that I needed to get fit. My passion drove me to start a blog and go down stairs and work out immediately.

...And I did alright, for a while. But, with no concrete workout or meal plan, I've failed to maintain the same discipline and focus that drove me to take action just a few short days ago.

I've eaten some things I shouldn't have eaten (well, more than some, a lot) over the past few days simply because I'm not disciplined and have no clear marked course or plan of action. I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm so far gone from the whole healthy lifestyle concept that I've really convinced myself that a few less potato chips and a few more trips up the steps will be enough to cause a drastic change in my appearance.

Well, reality has set in. Pizza and wings after working out for an hour will not get me back into a size 4 anytime soon.

As I look ahead at the journey before me, I realize that it's not a straight clear path; unless I've got a map...

-Tash

I'd like to thank my mama

So,anyone who knows me in any way knows I'm obsessed with my family. My Dad is my role model and hero, my brother is the coolest guy I know, and my Mom, well, I still haven't found words to describe her.

See, I was blessed with a mother who was born to be a mother. My Mom is the kinda Mom that made cookies just because, put my lunch in a real box with a thermos, and hugged me when I came home crying because other kids made fun of me. In fact, she even picked me up early a couple times...

My mom did one thing that got on my last nerves growing up: she had a rhyme or a corny poem or saying for EVERYTHING. I don't have room enough to write them all!

Now that I've grown up (sort of) I realize just how wise that woman is and the loving lessons and sage knowledge she shares every time she opens her mouth. One of my favorite sayings she says goes like this:

"If a task is once begun, do not stop until it's done. Be the labor great or small, do it well or not at all".

So, I'd like to thank my mama. Not just for being my mom, but for being a good woman and sprinkling some of that wisdom on me! As I embark upon this journey to change my body and in turn, my life, I know I face what appears to be an impossible obstacle for me to conquer. However, as Mama says "do it well or not at all". Well, I'm gonna do it Mama ;)

-Tash

It's not like riding a bike...to me anyway...

So, as always, when you set out to do something major in your life and others find out about it, they automatically start giving you advice. As well intentioned as they may be, it's difficult to get across to folks that your journey is your journey and that no two people are exactly alike.

Some folks have said, "It should be easy for you to get back in the habit of eating right and working out; you're young".

Others have said, "just find something you like to do and you won't mind working out".

Well, I have reached an epiphany folks... here it comes... I HATE WORKING OUT! I always have, and chances are, I might hate it for a while. I'd much rather lie across my bed and watch The Cosby show on DVD while eating mac n cheese. Thanks. Yes, I used to work out but it's not a simple as it used to be. I've become quite complacent with regards to my weight and health and have learned how to dress to cover things up when I need to and eat just enough, or not eat just enough, to stay about the same weight.

So, for me, it's not going to be an easy transition. It's not like riding a bike; in fact I sucked when I learned how to ride a bike too! LOL! But really, I have accepted the fact that my body and metabolism are not the same as they were when I was 17 or even 21. Hopefully, others will too, but if not it, it doesn't matter anyway. I've gotta do this one on my own. So, thanks for the help and advice in advance but frankly, this one's for me!

~Tash

The journey starts with one step

It's been a loooooong time coming but the journey begins now. I'm way too young to be this big. For those of you who've known me for a long time, you know that there was a time when I was barely 100 llbs and that time was not even a decade ago. I have clothes in my closet ranging from size 2 to 16. There's no excuse for it and really, there's no explaination for it.

As a therapist, I help others motivate others to change on a daily basis, yet here I am struggling to overcome something that could potentially kill me if I don't conquer it. Though I am a proud African American woman and I firmly believe in the "I am not my hair, I am not this skin" creed, I understand that my weight is more than a superficial matter.

Don't get me wrong, I am tired of buying new clothes and it's becoming increasingly difficult to cross my legs. I often compare myself to a bowling ball on toothpicks because I'm so top heavy with little legs. I'm over it!

But, just with any major life change, there is deeper meaning and reason. I've never had to struggle much in my life. My mother stayed at home with me and my brother, made my lunch until I graduated from high school and sometimes, still does. I'm a total Daddy's girl (he still calls me princess) and almost every guy I've dated has taken care of me in some way.

But now, I'm at a cross roads. I've got more bills in my name than I ever imagined, I'm single and to be honest, my level of happiness is not as high as I know that it should be. I'm realizing that the fantastic life I've had has been handed to me in a lot of ways and if I'm going to keep having a fantastic life, I'm going to have to work for it... harder than I ever imagined. I've also realized that there is much that I don't have control over and that life is about response, as well as pro-activity.

SO... here it goes. I've taken the easy way out for 26 years. I've set my mind to doing things, and I've done it by the grace of God and with A LOT of support from my family. But this journey; it's just me and God. He's already at the end, so here it goes, my first step. Join me on the journey!

~Tash