Divine THINtervention

Everyone who has known me for more than 5 years knows that I used to be thin. If you've known me for more than 10 years, you've seen the drastic change in my weight. Now, I'm not so vain as to think that people sit around talking or thinking about me, but I know at least 2 of my friends/aquaintances have walked away thinking "Dang, I didn't think Natasha would be that big"  or "What happened?"

If I'm being honest with myself, I have asked myself "what happened" hundreds of times over the past 10 years. There are some obvious explanations such as poor diet, sleeping and exercise habits. There are also some less visible explanations that I've illuded to in previous blogs. To put it bluntly; things have happened in the past four years that have drained me mentally and spiritually and have manifested physically.

Let me take the liberty of saying that counselors and mental health professionals can be some of the worst self-caretakers. I have many a counselor friend who are wonderful with regards to helping others. We all say the right things and in most cases, we do the right things. But at times, we avoid some of the issues and stressors in our lives because we're busy analyzing and working through the issues in the lives of clients, family and friends.

What I've had to come to grips with over the last two years is that being a counselor does not mean that I am exempt from feeling sad or stressed. It also doesn't make me perfect with regards to handling stress. I will be the first to admit that I have mishandled some of the stressful things with which I've been faced in recent years. At times, I bottled things up. I poured myself into service work or issues my friends or family members have been faced with. I've gone on a few shopping sprees, and I've also done quite a bit of eating along the way. All of these "vices" are simply evidence of the fact that I must face the things that are going on, change the things I can and accept the things I cannot change.

There is a verse in The Bible that says "Faith without works is dead".  This doesn't mean that I should get in the way of what God has ordained, but it does mean that certain things are going to require movement on my part. Weight loss and fitness is one of those things.

A couple of weeks ago, I ran into a friend of mine whose life's work revolves around fitness and healthy living. She sweetly, yet bluntly reminded me of the goals I've set and the "good game" I've been talking but have yet to truly follow through with. She also reminded me that the choice is mine. She invited me to meet with her and ended by saying, "If you choose not to live healthy, that's on you". Talk about a reality check and Divine Intervention. You see the ironic, or shall I say divine, thing is I've been talking about going back to  Weight Watchers or rejoining a gym or doing something to get back on track with weight loss. Though I've maintained my weight for a couple of years, I'm no where near what I should weigh and my body is starting to remind me in the form of health problems that my weight is unacceptable.

So in summary, I'm thankful. I'm thankful for the divine favor that has been placed in my life and the awesome relationship I have with God. The fact that He divinely places me around people and in cirmcumstances that push me to reach my potential is something I nor any of us should take for granted. Let us not wait until something catastophic or tragic such as loss of a loved one or job, financial stress, broken relationship or illness happens to listen to God and move. It is time to live by this simple model:

Praise, Pray, Push, repeat!

-Tash

A tall glass of truth!

So, first of all, let us state the obvious; I haven't blogged since 2010. The good news is, I actually weigh about the same. Well... I guess that's good and bad news. I definitely planned on being much smaller, but I'm not bigger. I'll take the bitter with the sweet I supposed.

Today I ran/walked 2 miles. I haven't done that in MANY months. It hurt. That's the truth. It is also true that it's going to continue to hurt for a while as my body adjusts to moving more and eating less. My most important truth is, I have walked/ran two days in a row, I'm down 2lbs, and I've lived to blog about it!

So, here's to the truth! It's kind of bitter, but the after taste is SWEET!

Back in the saddle...again!

~Tash

This is going to hurt...

So, I haven't written in several months. One would deduce that I have not been committed to my weight loss and exercise plan; that one would be correct.

A friend of mine put me on some referral list, leaving me vulnerable to receive the obnoxious, harassing phone calls from some trainer, trying to make quota. About two weeks ago, the trainer called me for the 4th time but for some reason, I answered and agreed to visit the gym.

I toured the gym, looking at the different facilities, equipment and list of classes. There was nothing too unusual or out of the ordinary and to be honest; I wasn't super impressed. I sat down and talked with the trainer. He offered me a very reasonable deal and I thought, "okay, what the heck". I agreed to take the free workouts and the "school educators" rate.

Then, the personal trainer manager came over to talk to me and tried to push personal training sessions on me. I repeatedly turned her down, finally saying that she was wasting her time and mine. I was proud of myself for being so firm. I left feeling like I'd accomplished something.

I came back for my free initial assessment with the trainer manager. She took my weight, which was 10 pounds heavier since June (thanks summer vacay) and began putting me through a strength training work out. I was sore and sweaty. I hadn't felt that wonderful in years.

After the work-out, I agreed to see a trainer one a week. I hadn't planned on doing that, and I certainly hadn't planned on paying for it. But, when I thought about how sluggish I feel after eating a heavy fattening meal, how much money I waste on eating out, happy hour-ing and socializing, and how I have to buy new clothes because I go up a size twice a year, I think the money is going to be well worth it.

Sure, it's going to hurt a little bit. I may miss some social functions and my diet may not be as "fun" as it used to be. I'm most certainly going to be sore and to be completely transparent, I hate working out. However, the pain is such an awesome feeling. I know it doesn't sound rational, but after gaining and losing weight for 5 years, it's time to get a little irrational.


Feels like the first time,
Tash

The Audacity of FOLKS

So, President Obama has the great book which we've all heard of entitled The Audacity of Hope full of inspirational anecdotes that inspire us to dream and hope and move towards our destiny, no matter how the odds are stacked against us.

That book is great. Bold, confident, hopeful people are great. Let me tell you about the type of people that aren't so great; the bold, rude, stating the obvious type.

So, I'm at church talking with several of the "elder" women and I mention the fact that I am going to begin a 21 day fast the day after Easter (I'll get to that in the next couple of weeks). But anyway, I'm mentioning the fact that I KNOW I need to flush the toxins out of my body because I KNOW I'm overweight. Key phrase is...I KNOW! Since I KNOW I'm overweight, I don't need ANYONE to state that fact. However, this lovely church "family" member decides to say,

"Yeah, you should do something about your weight. You're bigger than your mother, and a young lady should never be bigger than her mother".

Now, I know what some of you may be thinking (especially small folks). "Well, you are bigger than your mother and you shouldn't be. At least she was being honest and not saying it behind your back".

True as that may be, let me take the liberty of speaking on the behalf of those who are overweight. WE KNOW IT! Most of us feel bad about it, and the ones who've accepted it now have most assuredly felt bad about it at one point or another. Fat people know they're fat. They may or may not accept it; but it's not your responsibility to make them accept it unless you are their personal physician.

So in summary, it's great to be bold and confident and constructive critcism has its place when solicited. However, when it comes to someone's weight, keep your opinions and statements of the obvious to yourself.

Thanks on behalf of the fat girls,

~Tash

When life hands you lemons, make lemonade without white sugar

So, I haven't blogged in over two months. Those of you who would assume, based on that fact, that I haven't been doing so well with my diet and work out plan would be right.

If this whole lifestyle change thing is going to work I have to be transparent and honest with myself and with others. Afterall, the evidence of my success or failure is obvious.

Life has handed my family and me quite a few lemons over the last two years. Though I continue to look towards the Hills and count my blessings, I can't lie; things have been rough. Though I often smile and act as though things are okay, I often secretly retreat into my cave with a movie and a bag of potato chips.

So, consider this blog entry me admitting to my shortcomings and confronting the crap that is my love, financial and physical life head on. Life has handed me quite a few lemons (some of them I picked myself) and I've been making lemonade with way too much sugar in it, literally.

They say the first step to fixing the problem is admitting that there is one. Well, I have a problem, several of them actually. Now it's time to drink the lemonade straight.

Here's to pushing away from the table and getting back in the game.

~Tash

The missing "I"

The saying goes "there's no I in team". Well, that may be true phonetically speaking, but I beg to differ with the cliche'. In order to participate in a team, you, or "I" must do your part. It takes a group of "I's" doing their part for the entire team to be successful.

There's another cliche' that rings more true from my perspective: A chain is only as strong as it's weakest link.

To me, the true definition of team work is a group of individuals doing their part to contribute to the success of the group. Therefore, if one person falls off or doesn't complete his or her part of the mission, the team is more than likely going to fail, or at least fail to reach its full potential.

I'm finding that losing weight is much more effective with the support of others. I know this is not new information, however, I'm finding it to be more true than ever before. It's me or "I" who feels bad when I eat something I shouldn't or miss a work-out, but it's those who are on the journey with me that really make me feel that I'm not holding up my link in the chain.

Therefore, "I" have to do my part. So, I'm putting the "I" in team. I refuse to be the one to blame for the team not winning...

~Tash

Jump the fence!

Today, I met with a female student who was experiencing extreme anxiety. She was so hesitant to go to class that she literally froze as she stood on the inside of my office door. After several failed attempts to walk out, I had her sit down and come up with a final plan.

"What do you like?" I asked her.

"I don't know," she said. "I kinda like horses".

"Have you ever watched an equestrian event?," I asked her.

"No".

"Well, when you get a chance to watch one, watch how quickly the horses jump the fences. It's like they don't even think about it, they just do it without hesitating. When a horse hesitates, that's when the jockey can get hurt. When they just trust the jockey and know their body, they don't think, they just jump".

The student looked at me after she thought about it for a minute and asked "Are you going to make me jump the fence?"

I replied "Yep. Let's not think about it, let's just jump and trust that everything will be okay, just like it always has".

The little girl followed me out of the door. As we walked, I didn't say a word. I opened her classroom door and said, "I'll see you this afternoon, you'll be fine".

She looked a little unsure, but she went in, and she stayed with her class all day. I peaked in a couple of times to check on her to find her smiling and laughing with her friends and doing her work. She never even noticed I was there. She did it, she jumped the fence and landed on her feet.

As I rode home from work today, I thought about how I spent nearly an hour trying to get that little girl to go to class, but when I said, "okay, forget planning, let's just go," she was fine. I realized, so many things in life pass us by because we sit back and plan, and hesitate and plan again and before we know it, we have scared ourselves into doubt and anxiety.

Sometimes, you gotta just jump and trust that you'll land on your feet. Planning is great, but life is happens as you're making plans.

Getting fit and losing weight does require planning, but I don't have time to wait to put the plan in place. We have to stop saying "oh, I need to lose 20 lbs before my class reunion" or "let me fit into this tux or this dress" or even better "maybe if I lose a couple of pounds I'll find a man/woman". All of the planning and hoping and wishing goal setting is great, but when you hesitate, you may not ever get over the hump. No more time to hesitate, you know you need to move, so JUMP!

~Tash